In light of the current economic situation facing our country, Bearded Biker, Inc., regretfully announces that it will be cutting its friends by approximately 8-percent over the coming months.
Some will be offered early retirement packages, and others will be offered positions as acquaintances, however, if the total reduction does not meet shareholder expectations, then forced lay-offs will occur.
Consumers should not notice any change. “Over the past few months, we’ve been experimenting with some off-shore agencies to provide many of the same services my friends have been providing for years, and I have to say, the quality is indistinguishable,” says Bearded Biker's CEO, David Alden.
“We don’t want to do this,” Mr. Alden goes on to say, “but not only do we have a responsibility to our shareholders, but we have a responsibility to the global economy as well, and we have to stay strong to continue to be a leader.”
Unaffected will be the Bearded Biker's wife, Jean, and two dogs, Gary and Luna; however, family members may face similar reductions if the financial downturn continues.